Happy Birthday David!

David and Hollyn!

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David and Corryn!

 Happy Birthday to my hubby, my soldier, my Love!

What a year we have had!

This time last year you were celebrating in Afghanistan. I am so thankful to God that you are home with us this year!

What an amazing father you are to our girls, strong, encouraging, loving and silly!

What an awesome husband you are to me, loving, caring, supporting and funny!

I love your laugh, and that you think you are funny!

I think you are one of the smartest man I know and the most compassionate man I know.

I am so proud of you and so proud to be your wife!

I Love You!

Happy Birthday!

Drill weekend!

Before any of our deployments, drill weekends weren't so bad.  It was a girl's weekend for us.
 A chance to do things with the girls, things hubby most likely didn't want to do i.e. yard sales, craft stores, shopping. We would do our things and them meet up with hubby!

But that all changed when the words deployment came up. Drill weekends became training weekends for my hubby which required being gone out of town and sometimes adding more days to the 'weekend'. Which to me they became tense, lonely, sad, mind numbing, and overwhelming thinking about what was about to happened.  Even frightening in a way.  I dreaded everyone of them. The longer they lasted the more deeper the feeling. The more I realized I was not ready nor would I ever be ready for this.  A small taste of what it would be like for when he was deployed. They left me anxious and tense. I felt broken, discouraged, and weary.

So when deployment #1 ended and drill weekends did not return to the easier days, I was shocked. They were still long and uncertain. Hard to get through. Then we found out why deployment #2 was looming in our near future.

Deployment  #2 came and went, drill weekends changed for us again...I was preparing for more of the same hardness, same fears but that is not what God has in-stored for me now. They are easier and harder in some ways. Harder in that they started soon after his return, they are longer than the typical weekend drill and much more intense for him.

But as they continues now drill weekends are slowly losing the hardest of them. The fear of him leaving is being replaced with him being home for awhile! The tense feeling of overwhelming burdens is being replaced with relaxing in prayer and trusting God has everything under control. They are still hard at times but not paralyzing with fear, loneliness, and dread for the future.

I approach drill weekends a little differently now than pre-deployments, more prayer time for my hubby, more preparations for the weekend for the girls and myself, and more time to relax for me. I made a decision to read more on these weekends searching God's Word for verses to pray over my hubby and our family. I made a decision to trust God and let the hardness go and start to heal.  And now I can see some of the old fun of girl time is returning and new joys are being added each weekend ...and I thank my God each drill weekend for that.

Drill weekends are never going to be easy! But I am so Thankful to God they are easier now!


Oh, give me back my joy again;
    you have broken me—
    now let me rejoice. Psalm 51:8 


Prayers for David

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. 2 Chronicles 15:7

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7

Day 3 Thankful!

Today as I was driving around looking at houses, just thinking about what David is doing and it hit me...how much of an opportunity this is for him and how thankful I am that God opened the door for this.

He has always wanted to become an Officer and for whatever reasons he never applied until now.
It has been a huge leap of faith for David to do this and I am so proud of him.

My heart, mind and soul just poured out in a prayer of thanksgiving, thanking God for being so good to us, to David, to fulfill a dreams from many years ago.

Oh, how great is Your goodness,
Which You have laid up for those who fear You,
Which You have prepared for those who trust in You
In the presence of the sons of men!
Psalm 31:19

Day 2

Day 2 has been rough for me! I feel a little lost and unfocused. I have a lot to do next week and it is pressing on me. I wonder if I can get it all done.
Plus I have no idea what David is feeling or going through which makes this time harder for me.

So I keep coming back to my mental focus needs to be on God!

Two verses keep coming to mind ...so I prayed them for myself and for David!

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 

 2 Timothy 1:7

Dear Lord,
Help me to focus on you and to use my time wisely. Help me to not to fear these next two weeks with everything I have to do and the not know what David is going through. You know all thing I need to do and I can not do anything without you.
I pray David will know he can do this, that God is giving us strength ...giving him physical, mental and emotional strength! I pray he has power to go on when it is tough! I pray we both have focus and clarity in thinking. I pray we rely on your power and strength and  I thank you Lord that I do not have to rely on my own.
In Jesus Name
Amen

Day 1

Day 1 for David.

David is attending AT (annual training) for OCS (officer's candidate school) for 2 weeks. Two weeks of h___.

I know he is will do fine but it will be tough. Most likely one of the hardest (physically and mentally) things he will do. We don't know really what to expect but we do know God knows.

  The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8

Step (Leap) of Faith

I have always wanted to be known as a woman of Faith! Of strong Faith...someone when the going gets tough, I go to my knees and pray...someone that trusts God through it all...someone who follows God...someone that lives a life of faith!

I heard a statement last year...If you want to be a woman of faith, you must live on faith! WOW!

This has resonated with me for months because I know I am not a woman of faith...I do not live on faith!

Yes, I believe in Jesus, my Lord and Savior, I have asked Him into my heart!

I am not talking about that faith...I am talking about the faith to do something you don't understand, to give up control, to follow and trust when you fear the unknown, to not formulate a plan B because you are scared plan A will fail, to be still and Know that He is God (Psalms 46:20).

I know many Godly women of faith. But it never occurred to me until recently they were not this way instantly. It takes time, it takes steps of faith. Sometimes those steps are small baby steps, sometimes the steps are leaps, big jumps into the unknown. This is what it feels like for me. I know some people may just believe I am taking a baby step but it feels like a huge leap of faith for me. I am not used to letting go of control. To trusting, I like to plan and normally have plans B, C, and D forming in my mind while plan A is just getting off the ground.

I know the verse in my mind Jeremiah 29:11...For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord..Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and future! Could you tell me those plans so I will know!

    BUT He doesn't tell me His plans: HE Tells me something else: Something better!


When I told Him, I don't understand this step of faith, I don't know if it will work out, I need you to show me something, to give me a sign that this is the step of faith YOU have for us, for me. He showed me this.

 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths!  Proverbs 3:5-6

  My leap of Faith starts tomorrow! I am trusting God and my hubby David who encouraged me to do this, I am nervous and excited how this will affect our family. But I am choosing to believe that He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above what I ask or think (Ephesians 3:20) 

So I step out on faith as I no longer will be working full time! 
I still will be working part time but I covet prayers as this will affect our family. It will be a blessing to have more time with the girls and David when he comes home but it could be a financial burden as well. We are trusting God!



 
  

Look who is 7! Happy Birthday Corryn!

What can I say about you!
You are such a blessing to us!
You make us laugh at the silliest stuff!
You amaze me with your confidence, you will wear the funkiest outfits or fix your hair crazy and be so proud! Go for it I say, live it up.

You are the most giving child I have ever seen. I have seen you give away Christmas presents you have just received!
You are so compassionate  when others are sick or hurt! You sometimes even have sympathy pain which is quite funny.

I love that you still love the color pink!
I love that you really couldn't remember what you wanted for Christmas but was so EXCITED about EVERYTHING you got! Priceless!
I love that you love to color.
I love that you are all girl! You love skirts, nail polish, lip gloss, dress up, etc.!
I love that you jump with excitement whenever you are so happy!
I love that you are my Corryn!

Happy Birthday Corryn!
Mommy and Daddy love you!

Hollyn turns 9!!!

Happy Birthday Hollyn!

9 years old!! WOW!!!
where has the time gone!!!

I remember the morning of your birth, thinking I don't know if I am ready for this...funny I still think this about you growing up! LOL

I don't know if I am ready for you to be in double digits...we have just one more year.
I don't know if I am ready for you to stop playing with dolls...you asked for a DS video game for your birthday.
  to me a big girl gift.

But you are a big girl.
You are a smart girl.
You are a beautiful girl.

You have such a sweet, tender heart. You are so loyal to your friends. This past year you came home from church upset that one of your best friends wasn't saved. You were so concerned for her and something happening to her before she got saved. So we prayed that she would understand God's word and within 2 months she asked Jesus into her heart!

You have a compassionate heart... If you are missing your father, you whisper it to me so your sister will not hear it and get upset. You get so upset when she gets hurt.

You have a courageous heart! You are in your second deployment and have faced it with strength and courage. I know it is so hard for you two but each day, I see you smile and pray and hope for the future. We all struggle through this sometimes but I know we all are going to make it through it.

You have an adventurous heart! I hope you never lose this! I hope you go through life trying new things and enjoying all the blessings God has given you. I was amazed that when we went to Dollywood this year, you rode big roller coasters, you rode a ride by your self flying 70 ft in the air...by yourself!!! And YOU LOVED it!!!

Sweet girl who has some drama sometimes, Mama and Daddy love you with all our hearts!!!

Happy Birthday!!!!

New Year part 2

When I shared my thoughts last night, it wasn't meant to hurt, offend, convict or even ask for help.

It was me just sharing my story...me working my salvation out....with my Lord!

It is about me trying to live this life and choosing to be Thankful and not disappointed!
It is about me trying to live God first in my life and not just saying it!
It is about me living in hope, joy, peace and not living in fear, sadness and bitterness!
It is about me being transformed by the renewing of my mind!
It is about me trying to do this:
Hebrew 12:1-2a Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witness, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.

 Thank You Lord for the year 2011, all the good times and also all the hard times. I now look forward to what You have in stored for me in 2012.

 Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I love this verse, I have quoted it many times. I have it written down in many places, on my walls, in books, in journals! What a great reminder for my future...for a New Year!

Plans to give me hope and a future!
Another reason to say goodbye to last year because God has plans for me...hope and a future!

Hope is the emotional state, the opposite of which is despair, which promotes the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life.

I have hope, hope that all things work for the good to those who love the Lord! Romans 8:28
I have hope, hope that God mercies are new each day! Lamentations 3:23
I have a future that God himself has planned for me! Jeremiah 29:11

I love the hope of a new year, new dreams, new life...even new challenges.

New Year Part 1

I am so glad to say good-bye to 2011 for many reasons.

The obvious is this deployment!

It has taken it's toil on me spiritually, mentally, emotionally and  physically. It is nothing like what we imagined or prepared for. Somethings with the deployment are better than the first deployment and somethings are worse!

Spiritually, I feel lost. I pick up my bible and don't know where to start, what to read, what to pray! I feel like I have lost my way.

Mentally, I think about everything, I believe most people who go through a deployment are never able to turn off their minds, but it is exhausting to say the least. In my mind, I always have to be prepared for anything and everything. What to do if I get sick, if the girls get sick, do we have bread, milk, clean clothes, have I paid the bills, if David will call today, maybe we can Skype, Christmas without him, birthday without him, need to get to work on time, drive David's car so the battery doesn't die, get the van serviced, etc. It never stops!

Emotionally, I have never felt so alone, forgotten or disappointed by others. I am truly sadden by the lack of care or concern from my church family for my husband, the girls and myself especially during the holidays. I have cried many tears over this. It truely has broken my heart.  I feel we are slipping through the cracks in our class and no one is noticing. I feel I don't have that true group of friends who would notice. Is it 'out of sight, out of mind'? I don't know...maybe this is not entirely their fault, maybe if I was more vocal of my needs, or prayer requests, made more of an effort or if I blogged more, maybe things would have be different... 

Another part of this struggle I have is lack of time to nourish relationships the way I would like to. I am praying God will change that in me and for me. I know it will take time. But once you get hurt like this, you build up a wall. I am praying God will break this wall down that I have built in my heart.

Dealing with a death over the holidays is always hard. We lost a beloved grandparent very suddenly over Thanksgiving. It has left a huge whole in our hearts especially the girls. They had some much 'missing' over the holidays, missing Daddy, missing Pap Dale and missing friends ( several friends moved away right before Christmas and they knew the friend would not be back after Christmas break).

Physically I am drained. The last deployment, I developed a stomach ulcer. It has reared it's ugly symptoms again. I hate it. With working full time hours, taking care of the girls, and extra activities, I usually don't have time for myself. I know I should and maybe even can change some things but at this moment it is hard. It is hard to find the time to get 8 hours of sleep, exercise or even find time for a daily quiet time. But I resolve to change that.

So I am saying good-bye to 2011.

I believe with all my heart, this is not how God wants me to be. He doesn't want me to be stressed to the max, overcome with sadness, drained physically, mentally, emotionally, and definitely not spiritually.
He wants me to be filled with His strength, His peace, His love and His presense!
He wants me to be filled with HIM!

Ephesians 3:14-19

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

to be continued in 2012....