It has been a long weekend until this morning. There is alway something good, renewing about the mornings for me. I am a morning person. My hubby is not. But that is whole other post.
So last night, I was feeling low, discouraged. Hadn't heard from anyone about anything in a couple of days. I was feeling no one cares, oh me, having myself a pity party. But then my hubby called. That made it some better. But I was still down on myself too because the day did not go as I had planned. Daughter grumpy, I spent money I shouldn't have, my house is a wreck, I need to clean but didn't, I wanted pizza but had pb&j sandwich ( it just doesn't compare does it), I could go on with my whining but I will stop. So off to bed, and after 7 hrs of sleep, interrupted by my oldest, I wake up to a beautiful day.
Even if it were raining I would love the mornings. Ever since I was a kid, going to bed and waking up to a new day made everything better.
My mood is lifted, I look forward to the day, and what it may be like. A new day and new start. I love the anticipation of what it will bring!!!
Driving to church today, the sun is so bright, it warmed my heart! The weather is awesome. Cool in the mornings, beautiful fall colors. Christmas music playing (i know a little early). I just want to be able to praise God no matter what. I knew I failed last night. Could I do this for a whole year? Something has to change now. I need YOU now! Lord, stop my pitiful whines, my grumpiness. I want to be better at this, a better Christian. There is so much I should be thankful like everything. I don't want to be this person who whines, complains, argues, yells at her kids. I want to go through this deployment with grace. I want to be remember as someone who is praising God not complaining. Thank you lord it is a new day, a new start.
A few months ago in preparations of this deployment, my thoughts went to how I want to be in a year from now. I don't want to waste this opportunity to grow closer to God. What kind of person will I be. My thoughts went to 1 Cor 2:2 For I determined not to know anything among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.
I don't care if anyone calls, my life is based on my relationship with Jesus not anyone else. I need HIM! I will get what I put into it. If I give HIM nothing, I get Nothing in return. I have to get to know Him. I failed at reading my bible this week , this past month. My mind is paying for it. I am so confused, so jumble, so clutter. Help me Lord. I obsess over silly things and not YOU. Forgive me for that. Forgive me for failing Lord, for my lack of faith, my self pity, my anger, my selfishness, my lack of time with YOU.
Thank you Lord for the mornings, for a new day. For Forgiveness. For starting over. I love you lord.
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1 comment:
Joanna,
I appreciate your honesty, but I can hear that you've already had some hard days. I'm so glad that every day IS a new start, and I will be praying that the time won't be wasted, but will be full of His grace IN and THROUGH you. Praying His grace will be sufficient, and I'll be looking for you at church tomorrow! :)
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