Thursday, January 28, 2010

My heart if full!

I wont be blogging for about 2 weeks because I am going to see my soldier.

It will be the last time to hug, love and just be with him before he leaves.

But my heart is full tonight. Full of gratitude to my ABF who gave us a gift we can never repay (Thank you Lord). Full of fear of driving alone with my girls (please pray). Full of excitement of our time together (Thank you Lord). Full of sadness as I will have to say good bye again (please pray).

2 Tim 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and a sound mind.

So tonight I claim that spirit of power. Power to go on. Power to live a life full of thanksgiving, full of joy while he is gone. Power to say good bye for now. God's power!

I claim the spirit of love. Spirit of Love for others. To show that Love in tangible ways. To love unconditionally like I have been loved unconditionally. To love my husband and my children unconditionally.

I claim the spirit of a sound mind from fear, from worry, from anxiety. Lord, help me to think of things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praise worthy. I will fill my spirit of your word.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Catching my breath!

Sometimes in our life, there are things that cause us to catch our breaths. They may be physical like fighting bronchitis, emotional like seeing your child fall and hit the hope chest, or spiritual.
This past weekend, I have had all three.

Physically I needed to catch my breath. I have been on auto pilot/surviver mode for 3 1/2 weeks. My brain wouldn't stop. My mind was working overdrive but my body was suffering. I was tired, fighting bronchitis, having a birthday without my hubby who I was missing terribly, getting woke up every night by my girls. Physically I needed a break. I needed to catch my breath. And that is what I did. I couldn't help it. When I fell asleep in my van ( while it was parked), I knew I couldn't fight it any longer. God was telling me to rest,to catch my breath.

Emotionally I have been drained, I needed to catch my breath. I need to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I wanted encouragement from others. I wanted to know it would be alright. I just wanted to hear that even though we go through trials God is there in control and that is what I got at our ladies event on Saturday at church called WHOA Women Having Overwhelming Adversary. It was awesome! I saw first hand God's redeeming grace and mercy in someone's life. I saw women praying for another, loving each other, and just reaching out to one another. I saw women trusting in God to control their life, to redeem them, to be part of something bigger than them. I saw women believing God for everything little or big. I needed this breather. I needed to be refreshed and encouraged.

My spiritual walk has suffer so much in the past few weeks, I have highs and lows. Seeing my girl accept Christ has been the ultimate high. Getting behind in my daily reading, very low. Getting the same scripture on a card that I thought of the day David left, Ps 121, high moment. Missing church due to sickness and weather, another low moment. Hearing the words, "in 2 weeks, I will leave for Iraq" spoken to my daughter, stomach turning low very low moment! Seeing the kind words from a friend 'God is on the other side of this', a very high moment. A breath catching statement. A statement to rest with, to be encouraged by, to pray for.
He is already there, I don't have to worry about this. God knew about this before He formed me. He is already there till the end, on the other side of this deployment. And when I get there I will catch my breath and rest in Him!

Friday, January 22, 2010

My Birthday wish!

Usually we spend Fridays evenings with friends at our house or their house playing games and eating. This Friday is no exception, except for one of us is missing. He is gone to do a job.

I am missing him so much today!

I truly feel very blessed by my family and friends who wished me Happy birthday and who had me over for supper and made me a cake.

I just wish he was here with me and the girls.

I hadn't heard from him in 36 hours. Some people may say that is not a long time, but to me who usually speaks to my husband every few hours, 36 hours is a very long time.

So today has been long. I tried to pray but my mind wonders with worry. I try to read but my eyes can't stay open. I try to plan but I can not focus. I try to sing but have no voice. I try go on but have no strength.

I am weary!
I am tired!
I am missing him!

I give up. Give it to you Lord! Praying for strength, for comfort, for peace, for him today.

Praying I will hear from him.

God you heard my cries, you heard my tears, you heard my pray!

My birthday wish came true!

I heard from him today, not very long but enough to "make my day". Enough to fill my heart, enough to go on, enough to comfort, enough to encourage me.

I heard from Him today, all day long, telling me "come to me", "rest", "lay these worries down".

I heard from Him today, all day long, telling me "I am with him, he is mine. I am with you, you are mine. I am with the girls, they are mine."

I heard from Him today enough to fill my heart, enough to go on, enough to comfort and encourage me. And when I hear from Him it really makes my day.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. Psalm 34:17

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Happy Birthday Corryn!

Five years ago, our world changed again. We thought after struggling to have Hollyn that she was going to be our only child. But we were wrong and could not be any happier. God blessed us with a 8lb 15oz little girl.
We named her Corryn Rose Rummel. What a beautiful name, what a beautiful baby and that baby is you.
You stole my heart that day. You looked so much like your sister at birth, you two could have been twins at birth.
You are the SWEETEST baby. You give so much. Alway willing to share and always smiling!! You love to dance, sing, and play. You are fearless sometimes. You love to have and do anything your sister has or done. You love to sleep!!! I love that. You are such a blessing to us. You say the silliest stuff like today you asked me if animals have hearts that Jesus can come into?
You are always sharing your toys (mostly always) like the Christmas you asked for a pink lollipop. So we gave you two pink lollipops in your stocking and without thinking you said I got two lollipops here Hollyn you can have one. You do this all the time! It amazes me!
You love your sister, your daddy and your mommy. You love your stuff animals, your toys. You love to dress up, color, paint. You love to be held. You love your space. You love pink, you try to deny it but we all know your favorite color is PINK. You love awanas, you love learning your verses. You love preschool, you want so much to go to school with Hollyn. You love to cut anything including your hair but mostly paper. You love crafts just like your sister. You love to sing and I love to hear you sing!
We love you Corryn.
Happy Birthday!

For this Child I prayed... 1 sam 1:27

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Sundays are Awesome!!!

What a week makes, what a day makes!

There is new life in the Rummel family. New life!!!
A new sister!
A new daughter!
A new child!
We are so excited, so happy what God has done!!

You see this girl, Hollyn Ruth Rummel, gave her heart to Jesus today!!!
New Life, January 17th 2010. She accepted Jesus as her savior!!!!!

Her Story!
This time last week, I didn't want to go to church, I didn't want to worship, I felt alone, sad, anger, missing my husband. I didn't want to deal with it, deal with the girls crying, me crying which I think I do a lot of. I just don't want to deal with anything.

Even today, I really thought it was going to be the same as last week, I thought this is how our Sundays are going to be for a while.

Corryn climbed in bed with me early and just cried,"I wish Daddy was here". Me too!!!
Then about 30 minutes later she has a complete meltdown and starts yelling and crying at her sister over nothing. My thought is we are staying home. They need to stay home and go back to bed.

But No! I decided we needed to go. We made it. We were very late but we made it to church, we made it to worship and I am so thankful I did.

So Thankful!!

While sitting in church, the Lord pricked my heart and told me I will be seeing my little girl get saved soon. I saw the image of me picking up Hollyn and her teacher telling me she got saved today. How awesome would that be I thought! And that is exactly what happened today!!! I never imagined it would be today but am so Thankful it is!!!

A friend of my who went through a deployment 5 years ago shared with me her daughter was saved through it, this has been my prayer for Hollyn. That she would see God in her life. That He would be her personal savior! That He would be real!!!!

Oh the tears of joy are flowing here!!!

We shared the news with David, with his own tears of joy flowing and with a lump in his throat he says "that is awesome". He is so excited and happy for his baby girl but I know this is hard for him because he is not here. I was telling him the story and I could tell he wishes he could be here. That he could see, hug and kiss her in person and tell her how proud we are of her. He wants to see her baptized, I told him we could wait until he got home which he replied NO! Do it as soon as she is ready and understands. So I guess we will be filming it for him. I love that passion!

Pray for him!

We are very thankful!!

We are so thankful we went to church today, so thankful for Godly teachers, so thankful for our Savior. So thankful for new life. So Thankful!!!

So today, there is new life here!!
A new name written down in Glory!!
A new sister!
A new daughter!
A new Child of the King!
A new life!!!

Oh, this Sunday is Awesome!!!!

Thank you Lord for saving my girl!
Thank you Lord for saving me!
Thank you Lord for being real!

Thank You Lord!!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Good Stuff!

The day started off a little rough but ended great!!

What an amazing God!!!

He allowed me a few minutes of speaking to my hubby without the kids around. Much needed!

Then we got another phone call from Daddy, and the kids got to hear from him. Great day!

Dinner at wendys, laughing in the car, cuddling on the couch watching a movie. Good stuff!!

Just a evening living our life, smiling!!!

What a awesome God I serve!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Sundays are Hard!

I love Sundays!

Sundays are awesome. Sundays are days to relax, to take a nap, to read the paper. Sundays are days for big meals after church, to go the church, to renew you soul, to refresh your spirit. Sundays are days to prepare for the week, get clothes ready for school, get me ready for work. Sundays are days to enjoy friends, to enjoy family, to have fellowship. Sundays are days for worship, for praising, for rejoicing.

But this Sunday was HARD!!!

It started early, the girls were crying for Daddy within a mile from the church. When we got to church, I wish I could say leaving wasn't an option but it was.
I miss Daddy too, it is hard to walk into a couples ABF and sit by yourself, it is even harder to walk alone to the sanctuary. It is hard to deal with the girls all day when you need a nap so bad, when you are not in the best of moods, when they need a nap and are not in the best of moods. It is hard to deal with everything on your own. It is hard to be alone.

I literally had to get back in the van to gather my thoughts to see if I could go in. I had to urge to leave, if I go somewhere else, just to kill time would that make it better? Maybe we could go to the bookstore, I tell myself I could get a coffee and read the paper, the girls could play with some toys. We could skip church, we would feel better. It will be easy. No one would notice.

But God would notice!

I just told Corryn as we were getting dressed this morning, Daddy is helping little girls to live in a free country so they can go to school and to church. Going to church is a privilege, it is a freedom, we will not take it for granted.

But at that moment in the van, even that was not enough. I didn't want to get out of the van. I didn't want to see my girls cry anymore.I didn't want to face anyone, I didn't want to have to sit alone, I didn't want to cry anymore. We have been in the deployment for two weeks, two weeks - why so hard now, I have a whole year left.

But then I heard the sweet voice of God say "trust me". Come inside! Be filled! Be renewed! Be refreshed!
Where do I go when I am sad, to my Lord. Where do I go to dry my tears, to my Lord. I need to go in, the girls need for me to go in, the girls need to go in. We need You Lord.
I turned to the girls, spoke to with all the courage I could find, "the best place to go when you are sad is to church, God will make us feel better". I asked are you ready and with little smiles and big tears still wet on their cheeks, they answered yes, we are ready.

We go in!!! Church was great!! God was there, He noticed I was there. He spoke to me. He dried their tears, He dried my tears. He was with me, I was not alone. I am never alone. I worshiped, I sang praises, I cried some more. I rejoiced.

This Sunday was HARD!

I have many Sundays left in this deployment, some will be easy some will be HARD. But I am trusting in the One who made them all. I will get out and go in. I will rejoice! I will worship! I will cry! But I will not be alone!

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:4

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Happy Birthday Hollyn!!!

Happy Birthday Hollyn Ruth Rummel
Seven years ago, a 8 lb baby girl rocked my world. And that girl was you. Plus you still rock my world!! I can not imagine my life without you.
After many years of trying to have a baby and suffering two miscarriages, God blessed us with you.
You are amazing!! You are so smart, so beautiful, so loving, so dramatic, so sweet, so precious! You notice when someone is upset and tries to help. You always asked where Corryn is. You worry about her like she is your child and not your sister. You ask questions I can't even answer. You laugh and play like there is no tomorrow. You are talented. You love to do crafts. You love me, Corryn, and Your Daddy. You miss your Daddy so much now. But I know he misses you more. You are just like him. You can't stand to go to sleep, you are a night owl. You don't wake up to easy either just like him. You love candy, you love Dollywood. You love stuff animals, toys, and music. Your favorite holiday is Christmas!! Because of the Christmas story. You love soccer, Ms Dockery, your sunday school teacher Ms Brice. You love your friends, you want to be friends with everyone. You love to dance, sing, play, color. Sometimes you love to whine! LOL You love going to Awanas, church and soccer games. You love hugs and kisses, you love to sleep with me in my bed. You love to get into my craft stuff. You love bed time stories, biscuits, pet shop, movies, polly pocket dolls, princesses and sweet ice tea!! You are my sugar pie!!!!!
You are my girl! I love you!!!
I prayed for you and I am praying for you now. I pray you will be saved soon, I pray God will bless you!!

Hollyn, WE LOVE YOU!!!!!

For this child I prayed.... 1 Sam 1:27

Monday, January 4, 2010

Tears and a Birthday!

As I sit here thinking about this past week, I think I may have cried more this week than any other time in my life. But I am so grateful for the tears.

Tears of happiness for my little girl who turned 7 on wednesday.
Tears of helpless as I think of my hubby far away and not being able to help him.
Tears of gratefulness as friends come beside me to pray for me and my family.
Tears of laughter as the girls play in the snow for the first time.
Tears of missing Daddy as he is far away.
Tears of peace as I give it all to the Lord.
Tears of contentedness as I rely on the Lord for everything.
Tears of madness as the girls fight over everything. It drives me crazy.
Tears of Joy as my little girl said, "this is the best birthday ever!!!"
Tears of sadness as Daddy is missing his little girl's birthday.

Sometimes, they come quickly and wont stop. Sometimes quietly and stop fast. I can't even explain it. But ever so the tears are so relieving. They encourage me to cry, to feel the pain, to feel the moment, to live the day. I don't want to stop the tears. I want the tears to flow, to refresh my spirit, to reap Joy in the morning. They encourage me to seek my Savior, my Comfort, my Lord, my King. They encourage me I don't have to be strong for He is my strength, my Prince of Peace. They encourage me and tell me, I am not alone. He is there, wiping my tears away. Comforting me, being my strength, my wisdom, my peace.

Lord, thank you for the tears for I know there will be many tears this year some tears of sorrow, some tears of Joy. Thank you for drying the tears, thank you for comforting me, for giving me Joy in the morning. Thank you for never leaving me.

'weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. psalm 30:5b

Friday, January 1, 2010

My opportunity!

I love this picture of David and Hollyn because he took this opportunity to play with them while we waited to leave.

I am making my new years resolutions or goals for the year just like most people do. But as I was praying and reading my bible these last two days, the thought that has been with me for weeks, maybe months came back with a vengeance. That thought is "not to waste a minute of the year".

Not to waste this opportunity. Yes to me, this deployment is an opportunity. It is life altering, life changing, challenging, hard, sad, lonely, frustrating, funny at times, etc. But none the less an opportunity!!

An opportunity for me to grow closer to God. A dear friend who 5 years ago stood where I am standing told me this week that her husband deployment was a year of unbelievable growth in her relationship with the Lord. She learned to pray through and for everything. She learned to lean on Him for everything. I am learning and embracing this opportunity also. I don't want to be the same person I am now at the end of 2010. I want to be better. I want God to change me, mold me, and make me better for Him. I don't want to be where I am spiritually now, I want to be deeper in His word. Deeper in my relationship with Him. I want to know Him better, love Him more, trust Him completely. I don't want people to see me, but to see HIM.

An opportunity for me to grow closer to David. We may not have a lot to time together so we can't waste it on things that do not matter. Our phone calls are short, our texts are shorter but our love is growing deeper each day. It is opportunity for me to say the important things, to speak kinder words, to share more thoughts, to let go of the past and just focus on the here and now. It is an opportunity for me to live in the moment with him. It is an opportunity when we can't talk to go to the Lord and pray more. I am learning and embracing this opportunity a lot lately. But I do pray when he does call that God will give us the words we need to hear and to say to each other.

An opportunity for my children to grow closer to God. This is an opportunity for me to show them God in our daily life. They are watching everything I do and say. And I want God in everything I do and say. I want God to be real for them. This will (hopefully) be one of the hardest things they go through but I want them to come out of this believing God and seeing Him in their daily life. I want them to see God perform miracles in their life. I am praying for their salvation. I want them to know Jesus as their lord and savior soon, I want them to lead a life that is spirit filled. I want them to pray and pray believing!!! So I have to have God real in my life, my life has to be spirit filled. I have to pray and pray believing!

An opportunity for my children and I to grow closer together! This is opportunity for me to talk to them more, play with them more, pray with them more, hug them more and love them more.

An opportunity for me to grow closer to people. I have been blessed with godly friends, some new, some old who have reached out to me. They have encouragement me, inspired me, comforted me, cried with me, laughed with me, prayed with me and for me and just loved me. This is an opportunity for me to give back, to be an encourager, to inspire, to comfort, cry with, laugh with, pray for and to love people.

So to me this year is an opportunity! My opportunity!