Sunday, January 10, 2010

Sundays are Hard!

I love Sundays!

Sundays are awesome. Sundays are days to relax, to take a nap, to read the paper. Sundays are days for big meals after church, to go the church, to renew you soul, to refresh your spirit. Sundays are days to prepare for the week, get clothes ready for school, get me ready for work. Sundays are days to enjoy friends, to enjoy family, to have fellowship. Sundays are days for worship, for praising, for rejoicing.

But this Sunday was HARD!!!

It started early, the girls were crying for Daddy within a mile from the church. When we got to church, I wish I could say leaving wasn't an option but it was.
I miss Daddy too, it is hard to walk into a couples ABF and sit by yourself, it is even harder to walk alone to the sanctuary. It is hard to deal with the girls all day when you need a nap so bad, when you are not in the best of moods, when they need a nap and are not in the best of moods. It is hard to deal with everything on your own. It is hard to be alone.

I literally had to get back in the van to gather my thoughts to see if I could go in. I had to urge to leave, if I go somewhere else, just to kill time would that make it better? Maybe we could go to the bookstore, I tell myself I could get a coffee and read the paper, the girls could play with some toys. We could skip church, we would feel better. It will be easy. No one would notice.

But God would notice!

I just told Corryn as we were getting dressed this morning, Daddy is helping little girls to live in a free country so they can go to school and to church. Going to church is a privilege, it is a freedom, we will not take it for granted.

But at that moment in the van, even that was not enough. I didn't want to get out of the van. I didn't want to see my girls cry anymore.I didn't want to face anyone, I didn't want to have to sit alone, I didn't want to cry anymore. We have been in the deployment for two weeks, two weeks - why so hard now, I have a whole year left.

But then I heard the sweet voice of God say "trust me". Come inside! Be filled! Be renewed! Be refreshed!
Where do I go when I am sad, to my Lord. Where do I go to dry my tears, to my Lord. I need to go in, the girls need for me to go in, the girls need to go in. We need You Lord.
I turned to the girls, spoke to with all the courage I could find, "the best place to go when you are sad is to church, God will make us feel better". I asked are you ready and with little smiles and big tears still wet on their cheeks, they answered yes, we are ready.

We go in!!! Church was great!! God was there, He noticed I was there. He spoke to me. He dried their tears, He dried my tears. He was with me, I was not alone. I am never alone. I worshiped, I sang praises, I cried some more. I rejoiced.

This Sunday was HARD!

I have many Sundays left in this deployment, some will be easy some will be HARD. But I am trusting in the One who made them all. I will get out and go in. I will rejoice! I will worship! I will cry! But I will not be alone!

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:4

1 comment:

Sara Horn said...

Joanna, this is a beautiful post and I'm so proud of you for following God's voice and for being such a great example to your girls and using this hard day as a spiritual teaching tool with them.

Sundays are hard for me too when my husband is deployed or on a TDY. But God wants us to lean on Him and not try to do it on our own, and what better place to do our leaning than in a place of worship, where we can focus on Him with nothing else to distract us.

The first month is always hard but it will get better. You are doing great!