Saturday, December 19, 2009

Two phone calls!

I wanted to post this last night but just didn't have the energy!

Yesterday, we received two phone calls that changed the course of the day.

The first one was around noon, telling me to come pick up my sick child. She was so pitiful, asking will she be sick at Christmas, will grandma still come for Christmas if she is sick? Poor thing, really am praying she feels better very soon! But besides dealing with a sick child, I had leave work early, go to the grocery store when they are predicting snow, and pick up my other daughter. I felt so bad for Hollyn, all she wanted was to rest at home but after a couple of hours rest we had to leave. It was real hard going to the store in the rain/snow mix with two kids and one who is sick. I felt like a bad mommy. But we made and the good thing was we went to CVS which wasn't crowded at all. So this first call really changed how I was going to spend the afternoon and evening.

The second one phone call came during supper time. Making supper for the girls and I, my next door neighbor calls. She was making sure we were home because she wanted to drop something for us. Thinking she may have a little gift for the girls or Christmas lights, I met her at the door.(Jean and Fred are super nice, they watch out for us when we are not home. They have left things like floats for the pool, car seats, Christmas decorations for us.) So I was thinking it was something like that. But I was wrong, very WRONG.

Jean handed me a card with a letter saying, we want to make sure David gets home for Christmas and if his trip is already paid for use this gift card for the girls. My heart broke, tears welled up. We were standing out in the freezing rain, both of us just crying. I was crying tears of thanksgiving, tears of love, and tears of shame for how I have been feeling likely. I was so shocked! They chose us to give this gift to.

You see, my heart has been filled with worry and fear lately. My job is in danger and I don't know what will happen next year with it.

But God showed me with this gift He is still in control. All I need to do is just trust Him, to reach out, to not worry or be afraid. Why is it so hard to give that control to him, why is it so hard to let go, these are questions I have struggled with for years.

The lord is teaching me very gently I hope that He is all I need. He gave me a little glimpse of His goodness. What a mighty God we serve, I serve.

This second phone call will change how I am going to spend this next year of deployment and the rest of my life.

Forgive me for my fear, my worries, it is just sin and I am sorry it has allow to grow in my life. Give me a heart of hope, love, peace. A heart only you can give.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Tim. 1:7

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